I am sure you have your reasons for the relationship between you and your mom and I fully support you in establishing your boundaries.
It's a little different for me. My brother is not nice to either of us. He hasn't been his entire life.
I appreciate that you are HONEST about your feelings. My brother is passive- aggressive about his feelings. He would draw my mom close to bludgeon her. For instance, he came into town on a connecting flight and called her.
He asked her to come to the airport so he and his (2nd) wife could take her to dinner while he was waiting on his connecting flight.
She eagerly jumped in her car and drove 75 miles to BWI airport. (I refused, because I'm like you, I don't like that mofo, and I won't pretend, so I wouldn't go. )
She gets there and he's waiting alone. She asks where his wife is and he tells her that she's in the lounge. Mom is bewildered and then he tells her that he has to protect her (from my mother).
Then he launched into a diatribe about his whole relationship with her and how he offended at how she's hurt his wife because she still keeping a relationship with his first wife (mother of her niece and nephew). My mom is confused, crying and really feeling trashed.
There was no dinner, of course. Mom drove the 75 miles back home from the airport, upset and with a monster headache.
My bro made his point
I've found six such emails in her Gmail from him.... all.on the same theme.
@MMA@freeatlantis.comI have no issue with not caring for a person in your family. But be up front, be honest, and then be DONE. That isn't what he's doing.
I'm hurt because he's a phony and acts like he wanted to have a relationshipbut not really any of the responsibilitiesthat go with it. His offense and anger is the excuse to justify deliberately shifting all mom's medical expenses onto me when he knows I'm not in the greatest financial situation.
This memorial service is his last act of disdain for her.
My brother did not come to our parents burial service at Arlington. Family came from far and near but not him.
His choice.