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Her nails were always bitten to the quick from the stress she was under at the brokerage firm. After she "medically" retired (no job for her to go to, anymore--plus, nobody would hire a 76 yr old woman) her nails grew. So we thought the weight loss was from her not stress eating.

She was diagnosed with a pancreatic mass 19 months ago during a hospital stay. We elected to not biopsy or treat her for it. I started her on the Joe Tippens protocol, which I did for about seven months.

However, I lost control of her meds after the final stroke that put her in rehab. She never got well enough to leave the nursing home. SInce they controlled her meds, wouldn't give her anything except from FDA approved, labeled bottles , I couldn't get them to give her the off-label fenbendazole. Mom lost too much executive reasoning to self-administer the meds, or I would have sneaked them in to her. I could get one dose in for sure, during my daily visit, but the protocol is 2x a day.

It took mom exactly one year of nursing care--where she was off the Joe Tippens protocol --to finally die. She weighed less than 130 when she passed and her official diagnosis was "protein-calorie malnutrition ". My friend who runs a hospice told me it's a bullshit diagnosis when the doctors can't be certain exactly what's causing the patient to decline, except her weight was plummeting.

It's been 12 days since mom left me. And, as I've been going through these photos of her, I've noticed

that the weight loss was profound and not like when Oprah lost weight, where she looked like a bobble- head. This looks like cancer, where mom was skeletal and her flesh melted away.

I had one final photo of my mom that I took a week before she died, for my aunt. (She tried to snap a picture during their last FaceTime but it didn't work so she asked me to take a picture.) I just looked at it and that's when I realized how bad my mom deteriorated.

There's only 1 reason I'm not sure about it.

My mom was not in pain when she died. I asked her, countless times, and trust me, she would have told me.

The nurses all told me that pancreatic cancer is extremely painful. My mom did not exhibit that pain at all. She cried out once, when her sheets were being changed, because she was so thin and the movement hurt her. But she was okay after a minute. She never asked for morphine.

So although everything looked like cancer, I can't say for sure.

Maybe the Lord spared her that pain.

Oh.... one last update

My brother is not coming to the service.
He just RSVP'd.

I am trying to be charitable. That means that I'm not trying to judge him or be bitter about it.

It is his choice. I think that it is a poor one, and an abysmal example for his children.

This is difficult for me to accept. Your mother's memorial service is a big deal. So big, that the military would send you home from war to attend it.

As retired military, he can even fly space-A within CONUS.

@MMA Uh-oh. Did your mother pass? I'm so sorry.

@Lino0876

Yes, love, on the 24th. I was with her. It was hard to watch but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

@MMA Again I'm so sorry and sorry your brother is being a dick. My dad passed 11 months ago today.

@MMA My mom is still taking it hard.

@CarolEmmarie @Lino0876

I'm almost done with the video for my mom's service. It's a hodge podge of photos everybody sent to me and ones I found by looking in all of mom's boxes. Plus everything I could grab off my phone.

At first I was going to use the classic Commodore's song "Zoom" for the background music. But I prayed for the perfect song and a memory of a song came to me out of nowhere last night. It's going to be "I Will Remember You" by Amy Grant.

We all will remember our moms.

@MMA @CarolEmmarie @Lino0876

Great choice.

After the service it would be awesome if you posted it here, if you are so inclined.